Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
