who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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