First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
