dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
