in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
