i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
