yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
