i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
