I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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