I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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