I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
