My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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