I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize