when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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