I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
