Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize