id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
