I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize