i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
