fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
