Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
