the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
