so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
