That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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