At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
