Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
