I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize