If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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