this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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