ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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