this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
