guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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