WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
