you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
