well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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