I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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