Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize