Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
