i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
