no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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