I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
