Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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