This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
