my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
