I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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