Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
