I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize