just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the liver wants what the liver wants
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
