My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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