Just cropdusted the office
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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