Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
