we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
