he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
