Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
