he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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