Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
cat food counts as protein by the way
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize