Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
