Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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