Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
