My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
