Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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