Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
